Here I go about September again, but this time more specifically September 2001. The 11th of that September taught me that a random Tuesday can be the day that changes your life forever. The 28th taught me that life must go forward. That happiness and the ability to look forward can return, if even for an instant with the passage of time. I have had to relearn those lessons since 2010. The difference was that in 2001 the lesson was global whereas in 2010 it was personal. There it is again, irony, like a giant cartoon 2x4 to the head. Tomorrow is September 11th, never again to be a random Tuesday or any other random day of the week. I suspect the phone will ring as it did in 2001 and most 9/11's since with that familiar voice on the other end...I suspect there will be white puffy clouds and a hint of chill in the air (ok so the forecast is for 95 and humid but you get my point) ...yet as familiar as these things will seem the day will be anything but random. It will be the day that forever changed life as we know it. It will be the day that brought us a mere 17 days later, to make the toast that will be forever etched in my mind...In loving memory of those we lost..in grateful tribute to those that serve...we will raise our glasses and celebrate life tonite... Those words rang true in 2001 and serve now to remind me to recall not only what we lost, 411 souls who perished running in to the towers, and 2585 more who perished trying to escape the towers, the Pentagon and a plane in PA and a sense of security and innocence we should never fully regain. But now thanks to the passing years it is the last line that seems the most important . Celebrate and appreciate what we have. The passage of time and change are inevitable but only they can truly dull the pain of our losses, dry our tears and eventually allow us to look forward instead of back.

September days

While training for the Avon Walk in the early fall I was struck by the distinctive September days, distinctive now perhaps because 9/11/01 made crystal blue skies with white puffy clouds and a hint of chill in the air the collective memory of September days for those who lived through that unforgettable time. I pondered the tenth Anniversary of September 11th and the tenth Anniversary of that magical nite where nearly 300 of us gathered and toasted
In loving memory of those we lost...
In grateful tribute to those who serve...
We shall raise our glasses and celebrate life tonite.

During those ponderings it occurred to me that September seems to be a month of change. I am not saying that this is simply because of September 11th. It seems that this has always been, from the changes in the weather or the countless years I headed back to school or September 1996 when our beloved Nicky passed and three as yet unborn children, Abigail Nicole, Nicholas, and Gianna Nicole, received their names, or September 28th of 2001, the day I married my best friend or September of 2007 when Mom was diagnosed or September 2010 when Abby headed off to Kindergarten in an outfit that Grandma Goose Goose didn’t buy.
While so much of my life is as I imagined it would be after ten years the idea that Mom would not be here to celebrate and remember was definitely not what I imagined. As time marches on and does it job of dulling the pain and drying the tears of the past ... the emotions can still be easily brought to the surface by something as simple as a white puffy cloud. The toast made that night reminds me, and perhaps now some of you, to recall not only what we lost on September 11th 2001. 411 souls who perished running in to the towers, and 2585 more who perished trying to escape them, the Pentagon and a plane in Pennsylvania. We lost a sense of security and innocence we should never fully regain. And less globally perhaps, they serve to remind me to celebrate and appreciate what we have and those we cherish because you never know how a random Tuesday could be the day that changes your life forever...
So, as I have the past three years I will head out in a sea of Pink, to Fight the Pink Fight… so that Abby won’t have to… face any more than the changes in the weather and back to school in her many Septembers to come.

Why Do I Walk...

Another year has passed, this year has been different than any other in my 40. It has been a year of firsts, not the happy firsts of previous years but the year of firsts without Mom. I am walking with NYBlue for Pink once again in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. It seems these days that everyone is walking for something and sometimes I wonder as I am sure many of you do what the point is in walking, just donate the money and go about your life, right? What I have learned in my three years thus far is that the actual event is not about the money that is raised but about the awareness that the sea of pink provides. If just one woman looks out her window and remembers that she needs her mammogram then our aching legs have paid off. If one woman decides to join the Army of Women (check out my page to find out what an amazing group that is) then our job is done. If one woman who feels alone in her struggle to fight the pink fight gets a sense of community about her disease then our job is done. That my friends, is why we walk